music, mayhem, and the pursuit of nooki

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Lindsay Lohan and The Big Bang Theory

  

Every once in a while, someone like Lindsay Lohan reminds me exactly why it is I am ”proud” to be an American….meanwhile, living outside of the reach (six months ago to the day I traded being trailer trash for eurotrash; which means that my ability to soak up pop culture via osmosis and nifty gas station magazine headers has for the time being been thwarted) has limited my access to such glorious American mainstays as the Gossip Rag..(they do have them over here, but I can’t read French, and they’re all about people no one gives a shit about, anyway).. however, I am hoping that the…erection… of this fabulous domain hence forth known as Pop-r-azzi (asshat graffiti point for my nifty mis spell and gay joke reference) will one day provide me with an effortless mainline of pop trivia….till such a time as this occurs, I must placate myself with with the only thing left at my disposal…….my ability to mock the piss out of everyone superior to me.

It is one of the cornerstones of American tradition to criticize, mock, and verbally eviscerate all those who are prettier (although I am srsly hot), richer (that be everyone), and more successful than ones self….and though I have defected to the EU, where the drug laws are less harsh and the clothing superior, the men of questionable sexuality and the women no sexuality at all, I shall still carry on to the best of my ability in the best possible American style, and mock:…………….everything.

This page is dedicated to the art of mocking. It is also dedicated to Lindsay Lohan and Ms. Spears, but for whom we shall never run of reasons to mock, and with her I shall begin: (points her middle finger in her best slim shady style and says: hahaha, I saw your tampon string! Stupid Bitch! I’m a Junky, I don’t even GET a period!

Ok, well. That wasn’t funny.(true, but not funny.) Anyway, everyone raise u’r pixie stix and let us toast: to all things wonderful and ridiculous, disgusting and perverse, to American Pop Culture and all the fools who have crucified themselves to bring us the endless motif of Shits and Giggles that is American Pop Culture…..Thank you, Britney, and George Michael (he counts, damnit)—Family Guy, George Bush (Jr AND Sr), Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga’s cellulite, and your questionable taste in meat products—thank you, David Hasselhoff, whose name I still do not know how to spell correctly, thank you, Michael Jackson, may heaven be a place where you are truly white and NAMBLA friendly little boys without Age of Consent savvy parents run free and wild…….and thank you, thank you, thank you. TomKat, Brangelina, and Tara Reid’s breasts, for giving all us little people just one more reason to feel better about ourselves.

The Rules:

-I could not resist writing my own rules book. I’ve never had my own Domain before….and until the magick of have-my-own-domain-dom wears off, I am going to milk it for all it is worth.

Rule 1. Thou shalt not slander, abuse, or maliciously misuse the entity known as Eminem, nor his earthly scribe and High Priestess Myself, otherwise known as the Golden Goddess and Fuhreress of Pop-r-azzi.com. I am above criticism; as such, and this being my page, in the immortal words of M.C. Hammer: nah nah nah nah, (nah nah) CAN’T TOUCH THIS

And for my final trick…..

i resent having this post preceed all of the rest….but give me a break; I have a point to make.

because i am not net savvy, or necessarily all that interested in wasting countless hours indulging with people i will probably never meet—which is anyone who is not hip on the idea of visiting my now-home-country of France–and because even though i’m only twenty seven, i am a luddite, and i must admit that I do prefer a telephone call (not text) or straight up e mail to having to remain plugged in twenty four seven to some sort of device, be it phone, palm thingy, or whatever, just to be able to keep up with Shalanda’s latest ‘tweet’ about how the liposuction went–i don’t, at the moment, have a facebook, myspace, livejournal, or anything else page.   Today I finally ended up in a chat room for possibly the first time in……well…four years? And all I could think as I sifted through all of the human rummage was: why do so many people take pictures of their eye? Or these looking up at the web cam shots that have become so popular, what is that about?

I’m guessing it’s to hide their double chins.  Or their enormous jew noses.  (I have nothing against jews but they do tend to have mighty large noses.)  So, just to cut to the chase, here are a couple of pictures of me.  My name actually is Isobel Quinn.  If anyone attempts to steal my identity, the joke is on them.  Have at it.

Me:

So there.  Legitimate photos taken by a human hand, obviously un altered.  Take that, Midget.

I do this now for a few reasons.   1.) People get curious, and I do tend to represent myself in…well…a certain way.  I do listen to hip hop.  I am from East Baltimore.  I am…a bit ghetto.  But I don’t dress it.  I don’t speak it.  And I really don’t like the idea of getting mixed up with a ten year old boy from Minneapolis.  (Long story.)

One other reason I decided to post these particular pix. 

I currently view all of this image altering software that has become so prevelant these days as being one of the worst of the modern ‘crimes against humanity’ that technology…and bored college kids…have wrought upon us…it’s a jip.  gip.  jip.  I dunno.  I dropped out of college.  Anyway, it’s bad enough that people go about the web posting ten year old pix of themselves; or pix of unknown models, friends, etc. etc., what have you, but the fact that all of these liars now have a fool proof method of turning their generally obese, nasty asses into supermodels really bothers me.  What if someone you like actually wants to meet you in real life?  How understanding do you think they’re going to be when they realize that your svelte frame and lovely blue eyes are the equivalent of an optical illusion? I myself had a bad experience in this regard, once upon a time.  Met a guy, a really cute, funny guy, online–thing was, though, he was always wearing hats in all of his pix.  So, I finally go to meet him, and….guess why the hat?  He was bald.  Not entirely; that;s the kicker.  He had long, lovely hair…but a floating island of baldness up top.   Ironic thing is, I ended up dating a fifty one year old man who is as bald as oriental pussy…if you pardon the expression.  It wasn’t the baldness that bothered me, though, is the point…it was the deceit. 

So, these pix are for you, Midget.  Enjoy.  Revel in the un altered beauty and glory that is mine.  Sorry they’re  a bit scruffy…but like I said, I don’t like altering photos. 

My e mail is Isobelquinn@gmail.com, or Isoldecroft@gmail.com

Thank you very much.

Eminem, Kanye West, and the Ethics of Being Ethical in Modern Music

With Britney Spears and Fergi and every other mediocre artist in the modern world pulling Lady Gaga’s in an attempt to buoy their deflating careers, and all of the bad imitation Kanye West that has been circulating throughout the top ten lately, it was more than a bit refreshing to hear Eminem (seemingly) getting back to the basics….’Love the Way You Lie’  was the sexiest take on domestic violence I’ve ever heard (at least since his c.d. Encore, ‘Crazy In Love’), and ‘No Love’ certainly deserves props for taking The GAYEST eighties song EVER and turning it into a fairly respectable and highly likeable hip hop collaboration with, of all people, Lil Wayne.  Now, I’ve been an Eminem fan since the days of the Slim Shady LP.  My gal pal and I used to drive around drinking forties and singing along to ‘Superman’ (“Bitch, I’m Superman…beats on hoes in a single bound…”) So naturally I was jazzed when I found out that Em was putting out a new album…sans accent (see the horrible mistake that was Relapse)….

 And then I heard ‘Not Afraid.’

I felt like I’d been shunted straight back into N.A. (that’s Narcotics Anonymous for all of you high-on-lifers) and the Scared Straight program.  All I could think was: dude, this is not cool.

Why is this not cool?

First off, the song sucked.  I’m all for Eminem getting clean….but anyone who’s ever been addicted to anything can and will tell you that the worst thing you can do is start running around screaming about your recovery….because nine times out of ten, you’re going to fall a few times before any sort of legitimate recovery has a chance to take.  I was a dope fiend for ten years…and let me tell you, I’ve been there.   I’m twenty seven years old, from Baltimore, MD.   We’re born with a needle in our arm in that city.  And I’ve done it all……and what I haven’t done personally, I’ve seen others do.  As for the ‘high on life’ syndrome that comes after a month or so in rehab, there’s actually a name for it…..Pink Cloud Syndrome.

Eminem’s drug use almost ruined his career.  Now, he’s running the risk of ruining it because of his recovery.  When it comes to drug addiction, I think it’s best to embrace the old close-to-the-vest-till-i’ve-proven-i-can-really-do-this policy.  Because now, now that the music world has made him their darling (and not because of any legit accomplishment; it seems to me that the mass approval he is meeting with now is more the result of him becoming one of the fold and no longer a rebel than legitmate kudos for his work; after all, even though Recovery is technically an excellent album, is it really any better than Encore, or the Marshall Mathers Lp?) he IS going to have to be superman.  Because after all of his claims about sobriety, turning his life around, his love sonnets to kanye and weezy, if he so much as goes to a night club and gets drunk the entire pop world is going to tear him a new one. 

And no one…not even Eminem….is invincible.  It wouldn’t even require him getting fucked up.  Hell, a paparazzi could take a snap shot of him dozing in his car and call it a nod….and then his career really will be shot.

Now, I’ve been clean for almost a year now.  And it wasn’t N.A., it wasn’t rehab or therapy that helped me do it….part of the reason I now live in France is because an entire ocean away was barely enough for me to get away from my hell.  And I know very few people who have gotten clean and stayed clean after one run thru the cleaners….so to speak.  So, much luck to my man…..but somehow, I can’t help but think that if you have to talk about it as much as he has, that you just aren’t trully there yet.

On a lighter topic, check out My Twisted, Dark, Beautiful Fantasy by Kanye West…….his homage to Michael Jackson, the extended thirty minute video Runaway, is an excersize in comic relief, but the music is fantastic. 

And Recovery is, for the most part, an excellent album.  Here’s to Eminem: You Get Love.

check out eminem.com to view his current videos…..and for a preview of Kanye’s new album (I’m not entirely sure I’ve gotten the name quite right) check out kanyewest.com.

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